Love’s three young sons became her anchor in a foreign land. “I couldn’t imagine my life in this foreign country without my boys. They were and still are the anchor of my life, the compass of my day, and the cure for my sorrowful homesickness,” she reflects. Watching their sibling bond brought profound joy: “Observing them engaging in playful interactions, delighting in each other’s company, whether it was with their small toys or through their innocent and imaginative ‘little people’ conversations, I recognized the extraordinary bond they shared as siblings.”
Depression manifested in peculiar ways through her daily life. “Most of my days, I found myself with my eyes closed, immersed in the symphony of their conversations, the tinkling of their toys, and the hum of the TV in the background.” She describes floating between consciousness states: “I teetered between a half-asleep state, brought on by the exhaustion of my heavy body, and a half-awake state, driven by the need to ensure the boys were safe and not squabbling with each other.”
These episodes often turned frightening: “I encountered something quite peculiar—a sensation like being ensnared in a dream, my body seemingly bound by an unseen force, rendering me immobile.” The struggle to break free often “culminated in a jolt of awakening, leaving me drained, feeling lost and alone, and shedding tears of helplessness and sadness.”
A breakthrough came unexpectedly through television when a dynamic voice caught her attention. “The sheer volume, combined with the exuberance of her voice, was utterly captivating and drew me in,” Love recalls. This show became her daily lifeline, featuring transformative stories that rekindled hope. “The show’s messages resonated deeply, infusing me with a newfound belief in dreams and the miraculous possibilities that reality holds.”
Inspired to action, Love made a bold decision: “One day, I decided to seize the day. Putting on my favorite jeans and a cozy hoodie, I rallied my three boys and loaded them into our used green Ford Windstar minivan.” Though exhausted, their excitement sustained her: “Their eyes twinkled with excitement and their angelic smiles radiated pure joy, igniting a determination within me to persist.”
The simple task of getting gas became a pivotal moment. Faced with unfamiliar pumps, Love remembered her father’s wisdom: “Just ask, then you will find a way, roads are coming from the mouth.” This led to a fortuitous encounter with a kind stranger whose wife was Chinese, opening an unexpected door to connection.
When Diana called days later, their shared language created instant rapport. “Once we realized we both shared the ability to speak Mandarin Chinese, English quickly took a back seat in our phone conversation.” Diana’s invitation to exercise at the YMCA while the children enjoyed childcare presented a revolutionary possibility.
The prospect excited and terrified Love: “At one juncture, a draining of discouragement washed over me, tempting me to retreat back to my bed and leave them to their beloved TV in their own world. But in the next instant, I recognized the necessity of persevering, not just for myself, but for the sake of my boys.”
Diana’s suggestion of exercise as an alternative to medication sparked profound hope: “This concept of ‘exercise’ as an alternative to medication for my depression illuminated a spark within me. It was as if a light bulb had ignited in my mind, shining brightly. I could hardly believe it; it felt as though I had stumbled upon a long-sought-after treasure, unexpectedly dropped right onto my path effortlessly like magic.”
The universe had provided exactly what Love needed through a chance encounter at a gas station. As the unknown author wrote, “Find your purpose and trust the universe’s plan, then everything we need is on the way.” Her journey from isolated depression to potential healing came through the combination of maternal love, strangers’ kindness, and the mysterious workings of fate.
Experience more stories of resilience and unexpected blessings in “Grow in the Dark” by Amy Love. Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Google, iTunes & Kobo.